Archive for April, 2008


MLS Week 5 thoughts

Another great week in MLS. Plenty of goals and some really, really great ones. (If Gallardo doesn’t win goal of the week, they need to end that fucking contest. I hate DC but that was a ridiculous strike. Vote for it HERE, it’s losing now so it looks like it’s going into the irrelevant bin.)

Let’s run down the what’s what.

The LA vs Chivas SuperClasico was a fantastic affair. 7 goals in total. 5-2 Galaxy victory and Landon Donovan simply continues his domination in front of goal. If not for a few flubs in the TFC game, he would be well into double digits by now. The final goal they scored that went from Beckham to Donovan to Gordon should be a chilling portent to the rest of the league for what is yet to come. If they ever decide to defend they could be lethal. However, if they keep scoring 5 goals a game, they won’t need to. Vanney, for all his troubles is looking better. Oh and Sasha Klejstan, your plane to Europe is boarding. This kid has LOADS of class in front of goal. He hasn’t been perfect this year, but if he has a huge Olympics like his Olympic Qualifying tournament, he will be in MLS for another year tops unless the cap goes up drastically and the max salary goes up. Enjoy him while he’s here.

Houston is just shocking and Columbus looks like they might be real for the first time in a LONG time. I know MLS is the ultimate parity league (except for that league where every team ended with exactly the same number of points. I believe it was in Bulgaria in 1984-easily the craziest finish ever. To think you could have the same number of points as the Champs and be relegated is quite insane.) but Houston just does not look like they have it together. Disjointed in every match at one point or another.

Chicago got back on track and laid the boots to a much improved Rapids team in another scintillating match. John Thorrington knocked in 2 goals which makes him the 90th member of the Fire with 2 goals. Kinda of a tale of two cities with LA and Chicago. LA gets all their scoring from 1 guy, Chicago gets it all over the place. Guess which one will be more resilient when it comes time for players to go away on International duty?

TFC handled a KC team that looks out of sorts all day pretty easily and in the process looked like they might actually be interested in being a real team. They will still end up out of the money in a likelihood, but they look like they will at least put up a little bit of fight.

New England beat Dallas on Thursday in one of the few boring games of the week. The second half was better than the first, but it wasn’t all that great of an affair to watch for a neutral fan in all honesty.

DC absolutely laid the whip on RSL avenging an earlier loss and Gallardo has the aforementioned goal of the week that should be goal of the year but probably won’t due to the geeked TFC fans. It’s a sham. It’s a free kick. Kicking a ball unimpeded with the nearest defender 10 yards away from 20-25 yds out isn’t all that impressive. The placement was classy, but they practice that shit all day. Only in North America and England do people get that boned up for an event that is a step and a half above a penalty kick.

Finally, and in this case I’m saving the worst for last. RBNY beat San Jose 2-0 with Altidore notching a goal. (that is the sole highlight of that whole sordid affair) There were once again less than 10K tickets solds, and even fewer who actually showed up; and yet, we are still talking about adding another team to the New York metropolitan area (note: I said metro area NY apologists because I don’t wanna hear the bullshit about the place that is 15-20 minutes drive from Manhattan not being in the city and blah blah blah..I’m sensing the next ‘Cunts’ series) If the New York metro gets a second team before RBNY CONSISTENTLY puts 20K (shit, 15K) in the seats, it is a FUCKING JOKE. I know Ives and the RBNY faithful (all two of them) keep saying it’s a lock and it will happen, but I’m telling you it is a FUCKING JOKE if that does happen. There are at least 7 markets that should get a team before the NYC metro area gets another one.

That’s all for now, check out Gallardo’s insane goal HERE. How could this NOT win goal of the week?


MLS Week 4 Thoughts

Week 4 was a bad one if you are Chad Barrett and a good one if you are a Wizards or TFC fan and a kinda good one for Galaxy fans.

First things first go to for the latest table and box scores.

KC and Chicago played for the top spot in the east and if not for a blunder by Chicago keeper John Busch and CHad Barrett missing a goal that the average geriatric paraplegic would knock in with no problems, it was a game Chicago “deserved” to win, as they say elsewhere. Cold simple fact is, Chicago squandered chances. Despite outplaying KC they got what they “deserved” by fucking up.

TFC is at the .500 mark for the first time in their history. That may sound like a ‘WGAS?’ accomplishment, but considering how horrible this team was last year and how horrible when they started the season before some key moves (Guevara & Robert); it’s a good place to be. One has to wonder when TFC fans will FINALLY turn on Mo Johnston like fans everywhere else did for not wrapping up the roster far before the season began. I know it’s possible to get hot late and sneak into the playoffs and win it all (LA Galaxy 2005 anyone?) but you are really handicapping yourself by starting out the season without a competent side. Can they keep it going? Perhaps. I believe they will end up 3-6 points ahead of RBNY before it’s all over. That may not mean playoffs, but it will be a vast improvement. You heard it here first.

Los Angeles Galaxy looked like a bowl of baby vomit in the first half and had me thinking they should have mid-game relegation to USL 2. However, someone, somthing FINALLY woke that fucking team up to where they realized that despite the starpower, they aren’t going to win SHIT if they don’t start showing some guts and grit out on the pitch.

It paid off as Donovan scored one of the nicer goals of the year (seems to be happening every week in MLS this season. Kljestan last week, Donovan this week…hmmm) and Beckham was more involved in this game than I’ve ever seen him involved in any game since coming over with the possible exception of the first Superclassico. For the good of the leagues international reputation it was a good thing that they decided not to look like a U-12 team for once.

Houston was great in the first half and looked average in the second half thanks to LA’s renewed vigor. However, they are still without a win and it is looking like panic time in Houston. They can’t be happy with their play or their lack of results.

Chivas was spanked pretty handily by FC Dallas but seeing as barely 10K showed up it seems like it’s a waste to say much else. (Antonio Cue: you NEED to market your fucking team better. This game not withstanding, they are a great side and clearly better than the Galaxy. Put out a nasty attack ad towards the Galaxy to heat up the rivalry. The Cubs and White Sox have done it for years and it’s one of the best rivalries in American sports. That is all) One other quick note, with Chicago’s loss, FCD is now the only unbeaten team in the league.

RBNY is still 0-fer forever against the Revs. Seriously, they haven’t beaten the Revs since becoming the Red Bulls. This team is once again over hyped and under cooked. Angel is having hammie problems and playing on that shit turf all year is going to do him no favors. Altidore scored and absolute beauty and showed once again why he is as good as gone come the summer. The Juan Carlos Osorio fire-watch has officially begun. Don’t believe the hype about RBNY sticking with him for more than one season since he was high profile. Bruce Arena was as high profile (probably moreso seeing as he was an international boss who actually made the quarters of the World Cup) and they dumped his ass as fast as he came in. Osorio can’t expect any better especially after his claims of being able to pull in great foreign talent this off season were proven about as wrong as they could possibly be.

Columbus tonked DC United on the MLS Thursday match in a scintillating match up. Is DC overrated? Right now they are doing everything possible to prove that they are, but they do have talent. Gallardo is still an ‘undecided’ in the ‘was he a good DP signing?’ debate. He still drifts a bit too much in and out and plays a bit too ‘fine’ at times which is shocking given his stint in Ligue 1 which isn’t exactly a finesse league. Seeing Schelotto fight through tackles masterfully in ways that he didn’t in his first year in MLS really shows how different the two Argentines were in terms of adjusting to the league. Schelotto is on pace for a monster year in assists and Gallardo looks like a spectator more often than not. They brought him in to replace Gomez, but right now it’s looking like a bad move because Gomez had the flair but he also had Schelotto’s ability to play physical and fight. If things don’t change quick, DC is fucked. The schedule isn’t totally to blame either.

Finally, congrats to the Quakes on their first goal(s) of the season and first victory against the newly tough Colorado in Colorado (taking notes LA? SJ is from a place that is near sea-level too and tonked the Rapids at altitude. Enough excuses)

It wasn’t looking good for the Quakes at first as Ronnie O’Brien had some horrendous misses, but he made up for it with the new (kinda) franchises first goal. Kei Kamara added another one later one that he dedicated to his brother who died in Africa this week after a tooth extraction had complications and he died for it(?!?!?!?!) Thoughts are with Kei and one has to wonder why he didn’t try to use his ‘anchor’ in the US to bring his family over from Sierra Leon. I am pretty confident he would have had a different fate here. Really sad stuff. I should point out that Kei is dedicating his season to his brother and all his goals. I’m no Quakes fan but I hope he scores quite a few more this season.

Week 5 is already almost upon us and the season just continues to rip along at a blistering pace. I know a lot of people make this claim, but last year was a great season, but this season really is looking every bit as good if not better. The games are more thrilling than I ever remember them and the quality is definitely light years ahead of where it was pre-2004. Let’s hope it keeps up this year and into the future.


Biggest cunts in MLS: Steve Nicol

OK, I was going to add ‘& Revs fans” but since there are apparently fewer than 10K of them, whats the point? It’s not like they are going to end up seeing this anyway.

My crowning of Steve Nicol stems from comments after the Chicago game last week that the red card on Larentowicz was harsh. His main reasoning for this was that ‘it was only 7 minutes into the game’ and that he perceived Mapp performing a clumsy tackle as well.

He may have a point on Mapp, I disagree but minds can differ there, but Larentowicz challenge was an abomination. (if anyone has a video clip of Mapp’s challenge for comparison I’d gladly post it for comparison)

There is no difference, save for one, between the challenge that nearly crippled Eduardo of Arsenal earlier this year and Latentowicz’s challenge on Preideaux. (see pictures below and Pitch Invasion’s article on the subject as well–seems like they have something to do with every one of these article so far. Great minds think alike I suppose)

The only difference is that Prideaux was able to walk afterwards because his foot wasn’t planted like Eduardo’s.

Many Revs fans have been whining and bitching that very point. Unfortunately Rev fans, there is nothing in the laws of the game that says a player need be crippled for a red card to be issued. A terrible challenge, over the ball, studs up is a red card. That is exactly what Larentowicz did. It shouldn’t matter if it comes 2 minutes into the game or 88 minutes in. If we are going to not abide by rules because the game is early, let’s do away with offside until the 60th minute. Absurd.

Nicol also claimed that the red card ruined their chances. No they didn’t. You conceding a goal 4 minutes in and Parkhurst playing like utter dog shit the rest of the first half ruined your chances. You already lost before Larentowicz was even sent off.

Go back to your office, Stevie, and try to figure out how to stretch the $10 the Krafts give you to run your kiddie club and stop bitching when the rules are applied to your team you whining bitch.


MLS Week 3 Thoughts

So I had a cold and since this blog isn’t monetized (yet) it kinda takes a backseat to the ‘for pay’ websites I run and my ‘regular’ job so I missed the CCC Semis Day 2 that both MLS clubs bowed out of.

Suffice it to say, that the limited rosters and pre-season/early season form simply was too much to surmount for the MLS squads. DC came close to pulling it off but Houston was doomed once they had to go to Saprissa with no goals and missing one of their best midfielders (Stuart Holden) and their first choice GK Pat Ontad who is about as good as it gets in the league. Pretty much every team on earth would be doomed.

It’s looking like it could be Saprissa in the Club World Cup. Their home stadium is practically a fortress and will be tough. Pachuca is no soft touch as home either, but Saprissa seems like they are peaking right now.

On to week 3 in MLS….

New England wins one and loses one. Right now they just aren’t looking all that impressive. Unless they start doing something to indicate otherwise, there is no way they are going to the final again. The young Gambians that people are so enamored with, while gifted attackers, are pretty woeful on defense. Their mistakes have been costly. They beat KC, who I still think will be one of the better teams, and Colorado handed them a loss.

The battle of the basement went TFC’s way as they took the absolute gift Los Angeles handed them and secured their first points of the season. Gullit is going to be absolutely livid with the number of missed chances LA had. There is no reason they shouldn’t have really blow TFC out in the first half.

Chicago is still unbeaten and rumors from Chicago are that another classy forward/winger from Europe is on the way. If that is the case, my bias aside, they have to be considered one of the title favorites as they have gutted out points on the road where just about every other team has gotten the shit kicked out of them. San Jose played well but were victimized by shitty finishing otherwise the points would have been ‘split’ (I actually kinda hate that term since you don’t get 1.5 pts for a draw) Too much long ball from both teams for my taste though I’ll chalk that up to the horrible field conditions. Although, Chicago found themselves slipping into that trend several games at a time last year, but that’s a bit easier to blame on Osorio since he kinda favors that bunker down style.

Chivas USA and Columbus played the game of the season with one of the sweetest goals you’ll see from Sacha Klejstan who better win goal of the week or the award is an utter sham. Go to the MLS website to check it out. Robbie Rogers was also very impressive torching Chivas on the wing all day. Is he turning it around? Will he become the USMNT prospect everyone thought he’d be? Let’s hope so.

Houston continues to bore us to death in a draw with KC and are really missing Jaqua and Ngwenya. Unless they sort that out and keep Onstad healthy that team is going NOWHERE, like not even to the playoffs. De Rosario can’t do it all himself. (well, when he has decided to do anything this year anyway)

RBNY showed their true quality getting the shit kicked out of them by FC Dallas, the only other unbeaten team. All the hyping by some folks on the east coast about ‘this is the Red Bulls year!’ are probably going to get the all too familiar sting of a first round playoff exit this year…that’s assuming they even make the playoffs since the league changed the qualifying structure…AGAIN (a move largely there to get the Galaxy in the playoffs since the top 3 from each conference make it rather than the top 2; a move that is DUMB as all hell IMO)


MLS Week 2 Thoughts

What have we learned in week 2 of MLS?

I learned that it was a mistake to buy into the hype of Barca being able to cut the gap on Real Madrid rather than watch Dallas vs. Houston. Or to believe that Arsenal vs. Liverpool was going to be even remotely exciting to watch a cagey restrained match between each teams reserve teams. (and Barca is my La Liga team. Arsenal is my Prem team in as much as I have a Prem team since I’m not exactly a super fan of the Prem)

We also learned that the East is looking like a wild, wild ride (save for one team). Chicago tonked New England, who many have been picking to go back to the finals, 4-0 before the first half was even over. Frankowski is looking like the poacher Chicago needed to team up with Blanco. Now if they could only convince Conde that his current team really isn’t all that bad…

KC is looking like they are going to fuck up a lot of people’s pre-season predictions as they look as good as they’ve looked in the last decade. However, their opponent, Colorado, is looking like a side that is actually going to come out and win far more games than they normally do.

We also learned that Giants Stadium still isn’t a great place for a game and that RBNY isn’t going to be all that exciting of a team this year. They look pretty content to employ a Chelsea-like semi-bunker style and hope to grind out 1-0, 2-0 games more often than not. That being said, they will probably be good at it if they stay healthy (a BIG if for any team on turf most of the year).

We also learned that DC is either really good (they are pretty good), or TFC is really, really bad (you might wanna add one more ‘really’ to that). I don’t wanna seem like this blog is simply for picking on TFC despite the post earlier in the week. (they won’t be the last team/fans/officials who appear in that column BTW) but they are really poor.

Edu is quality. Dicchio is a serviceable target man. Cunningham & Wynne will have their flashes, but the rest…yikes. It’s too early to pass judgment on Robert yet, but given his history of wanting to ignore defense, it could cause all sorts of issues for them unless he scores at least 1 a game. In fairness, the Gallardo goal looked like it might have been offside, but they were probably lucky to escape with only giving up 4.

Oh and I have no idea what they are thinking starting Sutton, the guy last week (Edwards if memory served) did a good job of keeping them close, Sutton just sucks.

We also learned that Chivas is still really fucking good, but also that RSL isn’t going to lay down for anyone this year. They had a great first half and withered a bit in the second but they could make a run at a playoff spot.

We also learned that Houston is in another early season funk focusing on the international scene. Although, Cameron hit a great strike to keep them in the points at the death.

We also learned that Gullitt might be a good motivator after all. LA looked like a team that actually wanted to win for once and Beckham and Donovan gave the league a glimpse of the pain they can cause opposing defenses as they had a couple of beauty goals.

On that note, we also learned that San Jose looks like they might want to plan a group holiday retreat with TFC during the playoffs since neither team is looking like they are going to be fighting for much of anything and will thank the heavens that there is no such thing as promotion/relegation in MLS right now.

Finally, and perhaps most importantly, we learned that the refs have been told to really crack down on reckless challenges as there 3 red cards for reckless challenges (all deserved despite all of Nicol’s grousing. Studs up, over the ball is and should be a red card every time, I don’t care how early in a game it comes) I hope that continues throughout the season as the league was starting to get a bit of a reputation for being a thuggish, baby-Prem league.

Goal of the week:

It probably wasn’t the greatest goal in terms of look or value. (Cameron’s goal would probably win any other week since it rescued a point on a great strike from the edge of the box) However, Mr. Beckham’s first league goal has to be given the nod for sheer significance and the hope that it will allay some of the wild “Beckham was a worthless signing!” stories flying around lately. Of course, that isn’t to say that the buildup and the finish weren’t quality. Here is a video:


CONCACAF Champions Cup: Houston vs. Saprissa DAY 1

Log line: Robertson stadium is kind but not quite kind enough.

Result: 0-0

Read: Benardo Fallas’ minutes of the match HERE


Houston is going to be very disappointed to come out with a 0-0 draw. Away goals isn’t a problem as they aren’t counted in the CCC, but allowing Saprissa to make it a 1 game semi-final in their house isn’t very good.

There were some squandered chances and they frankly owned the game in the second half. I think Saprissa held possession for about 10 minutes at best. If Houston goes on to lose, they are going to be really disappointed that they didn’t have sharper finishing.

Corey Ashe looks like he’s rediscovered the form he had on the U-17 team and surely must be under consideration for the senior team. His pace is blistering and his ball handling is much improved. His crossing was pretty sharp as well. Basically he raised hell all night for Saprissa and very well could be the x-factor in San Jose a week from now.

It’s kinda scary but Houston probably has the best tandem of wide midfielders in the league with Ashe and Holden at their disposal.

7 days from now Houston will have it all to do down in San Jose in a wild and crazy stadium. Many people talk about the difficulty of the surface there since it’s artificial turf, but I don’t see that being as big of a factor for Houston as they often play on that wretched shit in league play.

Though it doesn’t make the job any easier. Costa Rica is a perennial power in CONCACAF and Saprissa is arguably their greatest club so there is no free lunch here.

It should be another exciting end to the tournament like we had last year.


Biggest CUNTS in MLS series: Toronto FC (TFC) and their fans

toronto-fc-logo.jpgHmmm…provocative title I know. However, here is some proof of their cunthood:

I like to expose myself to church goers!

I like to talk shit about greatness despite having a team that eats donkey cock!

Seriously, give it a rest TFC fans. You act is so tired and contrived it’s bordering on the pathetic at this point. I know there are a large number of Canadians who wish they were still a PART OF ENGLAND, but it’s simply not the case.

Basically, what we have are a bunch of tools who are good at synchronized streamer throwing (which was happening in the league oh…12 years before you existed) which is the equivalent of a high school girls color guard squad.

I hear a ton of bullshit about how tough and rough and tumble the ‘Red Patch Boyz’ and “U (Poo) Sector” and the rest of you shitbirds are and yet the only thing you’ve proven good at is talking shit to every other team about your greatness despite accruing about 7 points last year and getting drunk and showing your junk to church goers whilst taking a leak.

If pissing in public is the sign of Über supporter status then I’ve been at the pinnacle of supporterness ever since college. Suck on that TFC!

Seriously, douche bags, fight somebody. Even though I loath DC United I can at least respect their supporters for kicking the shit out of some MetroBulls supporters and vice versa (which is amazing considering there are about 10 MetroBulls supporters). Even the Revs supporters, possibly even bigger cunts than yourselves haven’t been averse to a scrape or two. Hell, Legion and Riot Squad routinely get into shit in the stands and the Texian Army and Section 8 are no strangers to controversy either. (probably why TFC wanted to limit the tickets they made available to away fans for the match Chicago is playing there…oh and the ‘but we have near sell outs every time!’ shit doesn’t fly, every team has ‘day of’ sales and TFC is no exception.)

Now, I’m not saying that I condone fighting in the stands and shit and have no desire to turn MLS into Serie A west, but if you are going to talk shit about how great and how ‘European’ and tough your support is it kinda stands to reason that you have to punch at least 5 people in the face at some point to be at least in the running for ‘tough mob’ status.

So that’s it TFC fans. I would basically like you to actually win something and perhaps back up your tough talking shit with some action before you continue this charade.

I mean, how bad is it going to suck when you lose out to Montreal for the Champion’s League even though you are basically being gifted a spot with the bullshit idea that Canada gets a spot and you get to compete for it despite competing in a non-Canadian league?

Oh and before you feverishly start typing your comments, keep in mind that until you actually win something…a title…a game…a challenge in the midfield…I will reserve the right to hold your comment in moderation. Or I might take some editorial liberties with your text, either way. Possibly even publishing your e-mail address if you make a douche bag enough comment.

This is a sounding board for others to share the experiences about the biggest go nowhere cunt douchebags in MLS: Toronto FC and their supporters.

Have an idea for the next ‘biggest cunts of mls’ series? Send it in and I’ll consider writing it, or perhaps even letting you take a crack and post it.

UPDATE: so of course the TFC Poo Sector linked it to their forums at: bullshit/99.8872/post.php or something similarly inane. Uh, it’s called sub-domains chief. i.e.: little easier to remember, yes?

Oh and classy move reposting my entire article. Copyright infringement anybody? If I was a bigger dickhead I’d file a complaint but since I’m sure you you are all still using Mosaic 0.4 as your browser I’m sure web navigation is a bit tough on you. Trust me, some day there will be this thing called broadband and java script and php that will make it’s way to you and make web browsing WAY easier and far ‘kewler’.

Funny that it pisses you off so much yet there are no suggestions for a bigger bunch of cunts in MLS. Kinda accepting the obvious I guess. Don’t worry; I have my next choices for Cunt of the week. Abel Xavier is getting a head start in the competition.

I told you the TFC faithful were into pissing on people and shit play behavior. I guess one of the ‘super fazzz’ socamonarch also has a boner/wet vagina for smacking my ass. Kinda gay if it’s a dude but to each their own I guess. Kenfrom255 is either a plant making fun of him/them or at least has a sense of humor (the thought of a Poo Sector scarf choking being quite arousing). A decent TFC fan with a sense of humor, whodathunkit?:

tfc-fans-are-fecophiliacs.jpg Continue reading ‘Biggest CUNTS in MLS series: Toronto FC (TFC) and their fans’

MLS ASG in DENVER- by eBatty